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MY ECTOPIC EXPERIENCE part VI

NOT FOR YOUNG READERS!!!!

Around day 22 after surgery I took my Mums dalmatian for a brisk hour and a half walk alone. It was lovely to be out in the woods but by that evening I had severe lower back ache. Like a band of pain that went round into my belly! I had to take a painkiller. I went to bed early hoping I would not wake up unable to walk, thats how bad it felt. Tummy cramps and feeling weak. 6 days later my first period. Not too bad – I was expecting heavy bleeding It was like a normal period! About a week after my first period ended I had 3 weeks of such bad pains, feeling constipated, like I had trapped wind, aching where my right tube should have been (felt like someone had punched me in there and then left their fist stuck in) and twinging in my left tube. Spasmodic pains and nausea fro 3 nights in a row toward the end of the 3rd week of pain. Then a whole night and day of burning tummy pain the whole area area below my belly button, tingly arms, legs, left shoulder/neck. Wondering if the couple of times we had had sex since the operation with a condom on had been with a faulty condom and I was somehow pregnant and experiencing another ectopic. That’s how bad I felt… well, last week Wednesday, the 6th April (exactly 2 month since my op) I took 2 pregnancy tests at home in the morning because I was so worried, both negative. But still didn’t trust that because of the pain I was having. Also hadn’t eaten for a day and a half as I couldn’t tolerate food, nor even drink coffee again! So my mum dropped me at A&E. Thought I’d go straight there as what would a GP be able to do anyway? Negative pregnancy urine test. Took my vitals. No temperature. Oh yes, I’d been convinced I had a temperature as for 3 nights – I was having hot and cold flushes but my thermometer didn’t work so I was just guessing I had one. Well, it turns out I didn’t! Must have been nerves. In my head my period was 1 day late (it was 29 days since my 1st post op period) and therefore I was very scared I had another ectopic… They also took bloods to check for signs of infection/appendicitis/ UTI’s/HCG levels. All fine. HCG 0. The first triage nurse I saw in A&E I broke down in to tears as I was/am so scared of ever having to go through an ectopic again. It was the most terrifying experience, apart from the still birth I had to go through. But being operated on and being scared I was going to die and leave behind 2 children was in a way worse 🙁 I realised then how traumatised I actually was! But once I’d had all the tests done and told I was OK, some of the pains went and I also realised that they weren’t caused, but were enhanced, by my fear. I had been analysing every little minute detail of my body and reading into it wayyy too much. I’m not berating myself, we need to be kind to ourselves after this kind of experience. It makes us more aware of our mortality, and gives us a new take on life. And guess what, the next day I got my period!

Today is the 15th April, and I have been taking organic Agnus Castus 1000mg capsules (I bought 100 on Amazon for just over £10) for 3 days now. Today is the first time I’ve woken up pain free. It has been a turbulent ride. The question now is, what form of contraception? I cannot tolerate the pill, I get miserable, spotty, moody and tired. Nor do i advocate its long term use due to known side effects.  My GP suggested the coil, but I came across this site www.ectopic.org.uk when looking for a support group. I did call them the day I went to A&E when I was freaking out, but there was a voice recording saying there were no operators available that day due to staff shortage! Anyway, on this website it says if you have had an ectopic pregnancy the coil is not recommended as it only prevents the egg embedding in the uterus, not in the fallopian tube. Therefore it could happen again! So now I am looking for a safe alternative. I am too scared to even contemplate ever trying for a baby again. I know the pregnancy wasnt planned but we would have welcomed that little baby with open arms. Even writing that brings a tear to my eye. I love my babys and it makes me sad thinking about the rupture 🙁

A couple other things – my right stitches came out after 10 days. my left after 14. the belly ones didn’t come out for 6 weeks. I did phone the hospital after 3 weeks as I was worried because on my paperwork although it said no follow up required, it also said stitches should come out after 10-14 day. I spoke to a nurse and she said the stitches can actually take many weeks to come out. I used my Nans sauna and the stitches in my belly suddenly became so loose where I was sweating – haha – that I got some scissors and cut through them and they came out easily.They had become rather tight and were weeping where they went in to the skin. Even now after almost 10 weeks there is one little pin prick hole left over from teh surgery that is still weeping slightly, and when I squeeze a small amount of white stuff comes out. I told the Dr in hospital last week and she said its normal. It doesn’t look infected or anything, but I’m guessing it’s where the camera went in, as my belly button is a little sore now it finally has some feeling back in it. Thinking about the weeks of bruising I had without feeling when touching the belly button area, there must still be a lot of healing going on. If you are going through this, don’t discredit it. Just because the surgical wounds look small, who knows what it looks like beneath the surface. Plus the gas they use to inflate the tummy…And though we were put to sleep to have surgery, I’m sure on a cellular level our bodies must know exactly what happened and there has to be trauma. Love yourself, love your body. Don’t berate yourself for how you feel. Allow yourself to feel. Easier said than done, I know. But try. I DID berate myself. Thinking it can’t be normal to feel like this so many weeks later. Its MAJOR surgery.

Oh, I also still have on and off pain down below. Sometimes it feels like its right up the top of the cervix or womb 🙁 sometimes its a burning pain. But again, since taking http://www.herbwisdom.com/herb-agnus-castus.html Agnus Castus I have been feeling so much better <3

They also took pics of my insides before and after surgery. They asked if I was squeamish. I said no and looked at the pictures. Saw the exploded tube and blood around it. Then the after picture where all the blood was gone etc. I also signed some paper work to cremate what they found and give it a blessing. thought that was a nice touch.

I’ve had a funny appetite for weeks. I mentioned somewhere before that I couldn’t drink coffee for 2 weeks. Also craved coconut water, smoothies and juices made by my mum and fruit and veg. Wheat made me feel bloated and I couldn’t tolerate too many sweets or spicy foods like normal.

Anyways, this is my very personal experience. I’m sure there are those who hardly suffered after. What surprised me is that the first 6 weeks or so were relatively ‘easy’. Then after 6 weeks those horrendous pains. Like a living nightmare. I write this to not only keep it as a form of public diary, but also to reach out to all the other women who have been through this.

PART I – MY ECTOPIC EXPERIENCE