Many wounds were healed within me as I held Inky in my arms, I didn’t sleep that first night in hospital after she was born. I was soooo elated. I finally knew and FELT the meaning of the expression ‘I felt like all my Christmases had come at once.’ I stayed a further night in hospital because of my c-section, and again, I could hardly sleep because I had that excited feeling in my tummy like when your’e a kid and you just can’t sleep because something really exciting is going to happen. Though I had one of those cots that attach to the hospital bed, my girly still ended up snuggled right up next to me and I couldn’t get enough of looking at her face when she was asleep. I knew I should try and sleep but that’s impossible when the best thing ever has happened to you and you’re floating on cloud 9…. I was worried when the midwife came to see me on her rounds, she would tell me off, as according to ‘official’ advice co-sleeping is so unsafe (yeah right). However, when she did stop by I was already apologising for having my baby in bed with me, she actually ENCOURAGED me to co-sleep and said it was the safest and best place for a baby to be! Nuff said.
My mums boyfriend actually paid for me to stay in a private room at my request. I wanted these moments all to myself, not interrupted by the cries of other babies, lol. Nor didn’t I want to potentially witness anyone who had had a baby and was unhappy. Believe me, I’ve met a few people like that in my life, and it breaks my heart. If women who didn’t appreciate/love/want their babies / saw them as an inconvenience, actually knew the heart ache of still birth they may perhaps appreciate and SEE the miracle a baby is.
I was released pout of hospital after 2 nights and I felt so proud leaving hospital with my girly, her first car ride. My Mum picked us up. I was so elated to be going home with my live, healthy baby. It was like teh most amazing dream come true. Ever. On top of that, I was somewhat surprised and happy that I hardly felt any pain from surgery at all. I didn’t even have to take co-deine like last time with J. Just 6 days of paracetamol instead of the recommended 10. I didn’t even have morphine like last time with J. The natural high, the baby moon, the endorphin’s coursing through me were my medicine. My gorgeous, perfect daughter cleansed my soul and restored my heart and my faith that amazing things could still happen to me. I breastfed my little girly for years and co-slept with her. I never thought I’d ever have another baby. I didn’t ever want to risk it again. I couldn’t deal with losing another baby now that I knew what it felt like to love my own living flesh and blood. I thought I’d always be content with it being just Inky and I forever… But then I didn’t know that I would fall in love with THE best man in the world when Inky was 5, and that we would actually have another baby…. nearly 3 years later, when Inky was 8….